life (for now) on the midshore

Life

Why life currently sucks or otherwise:

The tsunami and its death toll, the war in Iraq and all wars, violence, the sadness and pitifulness that man has not evolved from that, AIDS, MS (R.I.P. JS), cancer, people's lifes getting fucked up as a result of or in some way linked to drugs and alcohol, "bad things happening to good people," the suicide rate, the Bush presidency and what that means for America etc, world hunger, environmental issues, people with closed minds, family problems- especially the effects on kids, living without a sense of strong morals, hate ~ would you like me to keep going? Perhaps you could continue the list for me...

Why life doesn't suck currently or otherwise...

Family, there are some pretty amazing people out there, laughter, smiles, knowing that quiting/giving up is not an option, having a reason whatever it may be to keep going, "love" and all those intangibles, having a strong sense of morals, people that know they can and find a way to make a difference, supposedly more teens are waiting to have sex, supposedly fewer teens are doing drugs, little things and memories that you'll never forget, children and perhaps having your own, things that are genuine, that one teacher that believed in you, music, finding beauty in everything, following and having passions, learning, growing, living an honorable life...

Here's a quote by Joeseeker that I liked (hope you don't mind me using it here):     

"I have no idea what my destiny is, or if such a concept is perhaps an illusion. But at some level I feel that I am following my destiny. What is my destiny? I don't know but I'm following it. I have reached a point now where I am discovering what it is on a day to day basis. People ask how long I am going to stay here. I say, 'I don't know' They ask where I am going next. I say, 'I don't know.'" ...

winter break has begun!

As of 10 am today winter break offically began for me. I came home and finished off the first drawing that I've done in awhile. I took a nice nap later in the afternoon before work at 6 (deady sin = sloth). We were short-handed tonight at work so there were only three of us. I was doing quite a line of bean orders around 8:30 (bean grounds are the enemy) so Ed was the only one making drinks for awhile. Crazy holiday shopping. We did get paychecks tonight and I picked up my running tip money of 18 bucks. In the bank it all goes tomorrow. I used my debit card for the first time last week. In the big time now, ha. I'm on the night shift again tomorrow night and then in the morning on Christmas Eve day.

Ah, speaking of Christmas day- The pastor called this afternoon asking for my mom. She wasn't home but all in all it ends up that reading a passage during the Christmas Eve service on friday night. We go to the 11 pm service, but I haven't been to church in quite some time. It's Luke 1:26-35 about Mary being told that she is going to have the son of God. (Current take on religion in one of the past entries during the summer).

School work isn't too heavy for over the break. Finish my oceanography project, study for mid-terms and the SAT. Luckily there's an alternative final for Euro. and psych. We're doing development right now in psych so for the final everyone is putting together a power point slideshow of our stages of development from 0-24 months. The teacher wants us to have music to go along so I'm going to play "Here Comes The Sun" for mine.

I got my final English paper back in the mail yesterday. He didn't have any comments on it, just the grade for that last paper and then the final grade for the course. I did end up getting an A but it was definitely a class that I enjoyed. Lit. doesn't start until Jan. 18th. Ahhh- in addition to the "compliment" (see a few entires back): Julie showed me what Prof. Hendrie wrote back to her on her last paper. She asked him how long he'd know about the compliment. He wrote back: About a month but I didn't say anything because I'm shy. Keep in touch. Keep in touch- wtf?? Saying that to a student? Haha, on man. So we all had another good laugh on that too. Prof. Hendrie- nothing's confidential anymore.

I was on my way upstairs to psych this morning but I was stopped by my history teacher from last year. He had the recommendation for me ready. I read it a little while later and I was so teary eyed. (What a softie, right?) It was so touching and especially so because it was from someone who I have the utmost respect for. Respect is a huge thing in my book.

As for college: my dad has an interview in PA (State College aka middle of nowhere, ha) soon and so I've been looking at Pitt (huge holla to Pitt students!) and it's awesome. That will definitely be my first choice and it would be great if I could get instate tuition. If the whole Annapolis thing works out then UMBC is still in the cards. The other night I was seriously considering what I want to pursue career wise. So many things or not enough. Writing- always. Maybe English. Professor because I wouldn't want to teach high school (good luck to my brother with that one- I'll leave that to him). Occupational therapy is still of interest to me and a friend's mom is an OT and so I'll have to talk with her mom. Archaeology has always interested me but with that "you have to follow where the money for that is available." Astronomy has also interested me for awhile but the whole math involvement has largely pushed that to the side. I'm trying to "follow my passion(s)" and they pretty much lead me back to writing. My other first love, haha. Environmental issues have always been very important to me and so maybe I'll bum around with that for awhile. Maybe the Korea experience will extend to me getting involved with lingustics and things in that vein. My "dream job" has been to be a photographer for National Geographic.  I should just be thankful for all the opportunities. Just nothing math heavy please.     & nbsp;

There is a pretty good chance that this couple is going to put a contract on the house. Finger crossed? They came thru twice this week and she's eight months pregant so if they present a contract and my parents agree then we'd probably have to be out of this house in about a month. It is probably better if we sell the house now instead of pushing it towards when we move. Things will fall in place. The dominos are going to start to fall fairly soon. My dad definitely feels like if we sold the house then a big burden would be lifted. My mom still feels like we haven't really settled down still and I know she wants a sense of security. Even though moving to PA would be awesome in my gut it'll probably be back to MD. "Back south," yes! When we move we're not going to buy a place right away because my dad really wants to finally build a house. He's nearly done typing up his journal from his trip to India back in the good old 70s. - I e-mailed Hee Jung from IIIHR about a week ago but still no reply. - I'm also going to plunge into Korean over the break too. Hopefully I'll get to the library soon and check out some books and movies for over the break. I'm making it sound like I'm going to have all the time in the world, haha. -Speaking of books I just recently found out that the sixth Harry Potter book is going to be released in mid-July! If you haven't read them yet then you should. 

"The end of the year." Holy brown Sumarian cow. To reflect on the year, to reflect on the year... I've grown a lot as a person this past year or so. Despite the situation up here and that making 2004 "a bad year" it has been a positive year. Everyone is growing (up) and things continue to move. I think I have had less internal conflict this past year and I've dealt with heavy introspection a lot better. It is a lot better of a thing to just let things pass that really do not matter. It is always a beautiful thing to remember what is really important to you. For me that will always be my family. So in a sense even though I've always been a pretty happy person I've been happy this year. Shall I make a New Year's Resolution? Hmm, it might take me a little while longer to think of a serious one but definitely to get back to running, music-back to piano-, creative things.

I feel like this past year I'm so very much just me. I will end here for now and go read for a little while. Back to being a night owl again. Hope all of you continue to have a good holiday season. '05!     & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;  

Xmas joke and some movie recommendations...

I hope everyone on tblog had/is having a good holiday.

For the Xmas joke: http://community.compuserve.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?webtag=ws-comedy& " title="http://community.compuserve.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?webtag=ws-comedy& " target="_blank"http://community.compuserve.c...;nav=messages&msg=614 88.1 

"Why Santa Must Be A Woman"

* Courtesy of TopFive.com * 

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Thought I'd post some movie reco mmendations:

Movies you should consider checking out-

Forrest Gump: You're probably shaking your head because you've already seen it and you either love it or not. You should see it and love it. Tom Hanks at his best. The rest of the cast is great too: Robin Wright Penn, Sally Field, Gary Sinise (he'll always be Lt. Dan no matter what he plays) and of course Mykelti Willamson. (Bob Zemeckis)  &nbs p;

The Green Mile: Another "Tom Hanks movie." Michael Clarke Duncan is great as J.C. This one will make you cry. (Frank Darbont)

Splash: Continuing with the Tom Hanks movies... I liked this movie when I was younger and I still do. 80s! (Ron Howard) 

Catch Me If You Can: You know the deal by now... I rented this from the library and really liked it. Great story line. (Spielberg)

What Dreams May Come: I saw this for the first time when I was a lot younger. I didn't really understand it back then but now it is a beautiful movie. Robin Williams!! Also: Annabella Sciorra and Cuba Gooding Jr. (Vincent Ward)

Jumanji: Another movie I liked when I was younger and still enjoy. My dad likes this one too but then again we are both Robin Williams fans. Don't get sucked into the board... Also: A young Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt. (Joe Johnston)

One Hour Photo: The man RW again. A little out there but still good. (Mark Romanek)

Fern Gully: RW as Batty! (Bill Kroyer)

Chocolat: Rented this from the library and it's one of the better movies that I've seen recently. The music definitely adds to the movie. Juliette Binoche is quite good as Vianne. I don't think that Johnny Deep deserves to be on the film cover because he doesn't have that big of a role in the film. Still, it is good that he actually played the guitar in his featured song in the movie. Chocolat(e)=yum. (Lasse Hallstrom)

Frida:Also rented this from the library. Salma Hayek wonderfully depicts the "tragic" beauty of the life of Mexican painter Frida Kahlo. Alfred Molina (Spiderman 2) fits so well as Diego Rivera. There may be a few holes in the movie along the lines of really exploring her art and expression but it does a good job "painting" her emotional life. (Julie Taymor) 

Powder: Along the lines of What Dreams May Come with the point that I didn't really understand it when I was little. Now it is another powerful movie. My dad also really likes this one. Sean Patrick Flanery is wonderful as Powder, also Mary Steenburgen. (Victor Salva) There is definitely something more....

I'll end here for now....    

random thoughts and a quick update...

So it's been almost a week since my last "real" entry. My history teacher from last year just called a few mins. ago- that was a little weird. I had told him that I wanted to talk to him after school today but he hopped on over to the teacher meeting. I hadn't expected a call then but to get to the point:  I had been putting off asking him for a recommendation for awhile now. I still have to ask my English teacher from last year too. I have a study hall with that history teacher this year. He's been kind of moody this year though. Anyway, he is such a good teacher and I respect him a lot. Probably one of the only teachers I've had that I can say that about.

I was reading the Korean lanuage book in his study hall today and he asked me if I was going over. I had told him already but I guess he forgot. -I don't think I smile that much while I'm in his study- hence he probably doesn't see my smile very much. I think he might think that I'm a bit too stodgy and reserved but then again that study hall is second period usually if I stay for it.- Yes, I am finally trying to learn Korean. The whole beer drinking is kind of funny. I don't know how I'm going to deal with that over there.

Five more days of school until winter break. My mom and I went to get tickets for RENT when it comes to Portland in mid-January. I registered for the January SAT last night. I figure that I should take it again before it changes in March. This week has been quite the week for getting things done. Had a math test today and I think I got 100% due to the fact that the problems came straight from homework. Still, I needed that grade considering that the quarter ends in no more than three weeks or so. School is still school. Ahh- update on USM English. I turned in my final paper on monday around noon. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I got an A in the class?. It was definitely a good class. It is such a good thing when you are able to honestly say that you really got something worthwhile out of a class and to know that you gave your all into your work. The two go hand-in-hand. 

Alright for the story: Julie got her fourth paper back the other day and there was a P.S. from the professor that said, "I read a little bit of Sheena's blog the other day. (My friend googled my name and told me about it). Thanks for the compliment." So Julie went to pick up her paper at the Univ. and she called me about picking mine up and then she told me about "the compliment." I was like what!?! At the time I didn't know what he was refering to. So Julie ran a google search on his name and then four or five pages back there was a link to my blog. The compliment had been from the August 31st entry. I was writing about the first class and how, "Juile quickly commented that 'he's cute.'" Once we figured it out it was quite hilarious. More hilarious that the professor found it. What are the chances of that? Nothing's private when it comes to google nowadays. So Arden if you ever stumble across my blog again: hey sexy thang! (Oh man, hope he doesn't catch that one, ha) My friend Helen called him a Greek god at one point or another.

My brother comes home on saturday for the rest of December and then the majority of January. I'm looking forward to him coming home and I think he has definitely improved on his "domestic skills." No more throwing things wherever and leaving them where ever they fall. Back to four people and back to sharing the Golf.

Still no big word from the firm in Maryland about an offer for my dad. They would totally have to rework the firm and there are so many factors to consider both ways. My dad got a call from a firm that has a place in Altoona, PA (we were there a few years back but we went to the mall there for some reason) and so he's flying down for an interview in State College, PA where they have a smaller office next week. State College= middle of nowhere, haha. Holla to any Penn State students. But, he pretty much can't turn anything down because the firm in Annapolis still hasn't officially made him an offer. It must also be considered if going to either of these firms would be a replay of what happened to the office up here in Maine. Still, being in either PA or MD wouldn't be nearly as isolated in terms of the availability of work in architecture. I've started looking further into UMBC (I'm missing the online chat tonight because of work) and now Pitt if we move to good old PA. Pennsylvania always felt like home. Another shout out to: Sinking Spring, PA! We're getting closer and closer to graduation up here but I said to my dad that we could move whenever and then I could just jump on stage at graduation where ever we were. We both laughed. Time, time will tell. It seems like my mom is accepting the fact that we're going to be moving again fairly soon but she's still strictly under the impression that we'll be here until June 12th- graduation. She is still a bit upset or unstable about moving again. She's asked, "where is home?" She really likes the house here and she feels comfortable. In a way she thought that this move was the end all. She was making more Christmas cookies the other day and she remarked why I wasn't making them. She said that she always imagined the day when she would have a daughter to make cookies with... Will I ever really understand her? We are so different, so it seems. Still, she is also strength for everything so may not be and for what she is. For all the shit that my mom and my aunt (SS,PA!) have thrown at each other over the years my aunt told me that my mom is the strongest person she has ever know. That may have been meant more so with a negative connotation but nonetheless even my aunt saw that. My mom was reminiscing about when she had a little 45 record player yesterday while we were drving...

So some kids are starting to hear back from colleges. The person that is about 3rd in the class got accepted at Georgetown. My class is so sickly academic. Gag.  I still have my reservations about going to Korea in certain ways. But that is what is goin. Definitely feels like I'm on a bridge right now. Please excuse the corny analogy here. In a lot of ways it all freaks me out. I do think I have gotten better at not letting the nervousness get to me so much. Sometimes it just makes me sick to think of all the things I didn't or could have done by now. "Growing up and being on my own." It is true that everyone else has grown up too, over the past three or so years especially. Some have had to go through quite a bit of shit. When you get underneath people are pretty amazing. I still have no idea how I'll save the world. I don't think I want to go to college and then "be on my own" if I don't "save the world" then. Then there's always the m-word. Oh lord. Is it either me saving the world or getting married? I really hate to look at it like that. So far I have gotten pretty much an F in any efforts (lack thereof is more like it) in the whole dating thing. Haha. It looks like I will be joining the ranks of the virgins 18 and over club fairly soon. (Do I get a memebership card? ha) Some more of my views on sex: I would never ever sleep around. I would only have sex if I genuinely loved the person and if we were in a honest and fully committed relationship. So, it seems like with that I will be a virgin for quite some more time but I don't have a problem with that so much. What I find sexy: bare feet (there is something honest about that), musicians, a man that can cook- yes that is sexy. But more than anything a genuinely good heart is the most sexy thing ever. You'd have to agree with that.

Ending here for now...

Note: Despite many attempts to fix it- the times for when the entires are posted is still wrong.

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This is (nearly my second) home...