life (for now) on the midshore

2 dads dead (1 MS, 1 heart attack) +

1 mentally gone (stroke) +

3 divorces (more if desired) +

1 manic depressant +

1 rape +

2 miscarriages +

1 lost virginity (more; optional) +

infinite # of mistakes/lies

= a real teen cocktail

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Yeah, all of that has happened to people that I know (1 degree removed or less)...

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A few random mutterings:

Things immeditately around me have been actually pretty quite lately but that's probably because I've been fairly numb to emotion lately.

Update on my friend that pulled that 360- a lot of me wants to be really angry at her ah. She called me just the other night again. I got more of the full story but then her cell phone died. She was on her way to her boyfriend's house, she's still lying. Evidently she had just taken a caffeine pilll because she was off the wall. Somehow she said that she had taken something recently. Something that could have made her really sick but it didn't. I thought ecstacy or oxyc. but then she admitted that it was an emergency contraception pill. I was like, wtf?!? She said yeah I hope nothings "going on" right now. She said that the condom had slipped off. -At least they used a condom- Her phone died shortly after that but why the fuck would she do that? I mean her sister had a miscarriage and so it's not like she doesn't know what could happen. Why did she lose her virginity to this guy?! ahhhh!!!! what?! Does anyone have morals these days?!???? I mean and how could she really love this guy?! I don't know how many times they've had sex but that's besides the point now. I mean The whole e.c. thing happened about two or three weeks ago. Oh and suppposedly they are engaged now- he did give her a ring. I need to go down there a slap her in the face- more like this guy. This guy is pretty much going no where as of right now and he's so unstable. She doesn't need that- she can't afford that- at all!!! AHHH! It just drives me crazy that she would put herself in the same position as what her sister did- take the same risk after knowing what could happen. God damn. She doesn't really love this guy. She's just in it because she thinks she can really help him and probably because she thinks he needs her. He's just fucking using her. I mean her family situation has never been very good but what happened? I realize that yes she is the only one in control of what she does but she could do anything and I don't want her to throw it all away. What happened to all the semblance of "normalcy?" It's like things are spinning faster and faster in one direction and I'm stationary. I have a fairly solid sense of what I'm going in the next year or two but then to think further makes me sick to my stomack sometimes. I think if I actually let my feelings fully boil over things could get pretty ugly. Resentment? I guess "I'm rationalizing with the fact that I'm older now and can handle things with maturity....

- What happened...     & nbsp;   &n bsp;